1
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,705
Mm-hmm.

2
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,141
Is this important?

3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,576
It'll just take a second.

4
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,345
Fine, but Mr. Donaghy
is on another call right now

5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,748
and doesn't have time for a
separate interaction with you.

6
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,383
Everything he
says will have

7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,550
to work for
both conversations.

8
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:18,551
Really?

9
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:19,686
Lemon.

10
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,121
"Lemon" works for your business call?

11
00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,389
Oh, right, uh...

12
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,090
Well, I just wanted
to let you know that

13
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,593
I have to go to Chicago for jury
duty because I never changed

14
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:27,660
my residence to New York.

15
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,062
Why not?

16
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,765
Because I wanted to vote
in a swing state, Jack.

17
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,533
Also, I want to stay

18
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,734
on the mailing list at
Chicago Pizza Explosion.

19
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:36,469
How fast can you turn it around?

20
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,470
Who, me?

21
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:38,505
Oh, right.

22
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:39,806
Uh, I'll fly back in the morning.

23
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,207
I never get
put on a jury.

24
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,777
I wear my Princess Leia costume
and they dismiss me immediately.

25
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,445
Well, that sounds good for both of us.

26
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,613
Thank you very much, sir.

27
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,782
Ha, that last part didn't work both ways.

28
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,983
You said "sir."

29
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,785
I think it worked fine.

30
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:52,786
I'll have Jonathan

31
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,454
call Travel and upgrade your flight.

32
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,455
Sweet!

33
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:56,723
What do you
take to fly?

34
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,324
Candy and magazines.

35
00:00:58,324 --> 00:00:59,826
No, pills.

36
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,694
Nobody flies without medication anymore.

37
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,597
Why shouldn't you enjoy
the same luxuries as a dog?

38
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:07,088
"Comanapracil"?

39
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:11,104
"May cause dizziness, sexual
nightmares and sleep crime."

40
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,366
It's very good.

41
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:15,875
Tyler Brody on two, sir.

42
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,078
Tyler Brody, the dude from the Olympics?

43
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,680
Yes, he was the silver
medalist in tetherball.

44
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,482
Speedman's caught an angle!

45
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,583
Tyler Brody is flailing!

46
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,852
And there's the coil!

47
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,720
Lance Speedman is the Olympic
Tetherball Champion...

48
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,490
and Tyler Brody can't believe it!

49
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:33,660
Boy, there are a lot of weird
Olympic events these days.

50
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,464
Not that weird, Lemon.

51
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,299
Tetherball, we faked.

52
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,767
What? Why would you fake an Olympic event?

53
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,168
For ratings.

54
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,505
We staged several events so that
Americans could win more medals.

55
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,408
That's despicable.

56
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,643
It took years of planning and
now Tyler Brody

57
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:52,312
is threatening to go public
and ruin everything.

58
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,047
So obviously, I have a lot on my plate

59
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,682
and no time to baby-sit the sixth floor.

60
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,817
So before you go gallivanting
off to Chicago

61
00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:00,285
make sure you get your people under control.

62
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:02,689
Be a manager.

63
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,656
Yeah, yeah.

64
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,095
Liz, Tracy is countersuing me!

65
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,730
For "defamation of character."

66
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,166
How can you "defame" someone
who's been arrested

67
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,901
in three different Chuck E. Cheeses?

68
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,036
Do you know who I am?!

69
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:20,340
Seriously, please tell me who I am!

70
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,076
Jenna, I'm not taking sides
in this lawsuit thing.

71
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,310
It's ridiculous.

72
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,345
Tracy's video game
never would have worked

73
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,346
without my voice acting.

74
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,381
I deserve to get paid.

75
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,749
Liz Lemon!

76
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,117
Nemesis.

77
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:33,381
Liz, will you tell Tracy I don't
even want to speak to him?

78
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,156
Okay, two can play at that game.

79
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,258
Liz, could you please tell
Kenneth that Liz wants him?

80
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,059
That's not even...
Okay, that's it.

81
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,095
I am calling Human Resources

82
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,596
and setting up a mediation for you.

83
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,966
I told you, I don't
drink that much at work.

84
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,230
Mediation is a binding form of
non-judicial dispute resolution.

85
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,505
I watched "Boston Legal" nine
times before I realized

86
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,073
it wasn't a new "Star Trek."

87
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,443
Liz, you have to admit
this is unfair.

88
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,745
I got nothing.

89
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,614
Meanwhile, Grizz and
Dotcom bought a boat.

90
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,883
Cape Hatteras is lovely
this time of year.

91
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,920
Well, of course Tracy takes
care of his boys and not you.

92
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,054
He thinks he can

93
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:09,622
take advantage of you
because you're a woman.

94
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,325
Men think they can get
away with anything.

95
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,993
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry

96
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,261
at the Oscars.

97
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,763
No one has it harder in this
country today than women.

98
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,731
It turns out we can't be president.

99
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:21,167
We can't be network news anchors.

100
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,770
Madonna's arms
look crazy.

101
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,772
Tyler, I know you're upset we
didn't pick you for the gold

102
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,373
and I'm going to
make it up to you.

103
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,676
How would you like to
host "Deal or No Deal"

104
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,778
in the privacy of your own home?

105
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,279
I think I'll hold a press
conference instead...

106
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,942
tell the world there's no such
thing as Olympic tetherball.

107
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,154
...or synchronized running.

108
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,089
Or octuples tennis!

109
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,357
It's all a lie.

110
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,959
A white lie that
did a lot of good

111
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,256
for this country's morale.

112
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,729
Did you know that
President Bush's approval rating

113
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,798
was almost as high as 15%
following the Olympics?

114
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:56,035
Gasp! Olympic hero Tyler Brody!

115
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,637
Olympic fraud!

116
00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,340
There's no such thing as Olympic tetherball.

117
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,175
They made it all up for the ratings.

118
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,144
What are you saying?

119
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,279
Tyler...

120
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,648
You can be the voice of "Knight Rider..."

121
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,751
the film!

122
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,776
I'm listening.

123
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

124
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:39,712
Okay, I'm Jeffrey, I am a mediator.

125
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:43,449
And you two are having
a dispute, now why is that?

126
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,684
Because Tracy thinks he can
treat me unfairly

127
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,219
because I'm a woman.

128
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,720
What?! Please.

129
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,222
We're here because white folks
think they can do

130
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,057
whatever they want to do to black folks.

131
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,292
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry

132
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,493
at the Oscars.

133
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,329
White people stole
jazz, rock-n-roll

134
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,698
Will Smith and heart disease.

135
00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,899
Now they think

136
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,134
they can take my hard-earned money.

137
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,802
Okay, well, if we look at how voice actors

138
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,037
are normally compensated...

139
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,571
Liz says,
in today's America

140
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,206
it's harder to be
a woman than a black man.

141
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,975
Liz Lemon? That chick is dumb!

142
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,310
Okay...

143
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,811
Tracy, do you know women still
get paid less than men

144
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,146
for doing the same job?

145
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,581
Do you know it's still illegal
to be black in Arizona?!

146
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,250
Do you have any idea
how hard it is

147
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,616
to be an overweight transgender
in this country?!

148
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,519
No, Grandma, no...

149
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,738
"Believe in the stars."

150
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,740
It's like that doesn't even
mean anything anymore.

151
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,608
Kenneth...

152
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,610
I'm sure I can trust
your discretion about

153
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:45,845
what happened in
my office today.

154
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,613
What you overheard was some rather

155
00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:49,615
grown-up talk.

156
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,684
Was any of it real,
Mr. Donaghy?

157
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,887
Beer pong? Jazzercise?
Women's soccer?

158
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,923
You're not in Stone Mountain
anymore, Kenneth.

159
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,758
This is the
real world

160
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,026
and not everything is in black and white.

161
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,119
There's always a right thing
to do, Mr. Donaghy.

162
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,831
Just, sometimes, it's not
the easy thing to do.

163
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:11,938
Tyler Brody was not the only
hero I lost today, sir.

164
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,707
The other hero was you,
in case that wasn't...

165
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:15,696
I got it, Kenneth.

166
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,148
If it weren't for you people,
I'd still be in Africa...

167
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,550
gorgeous, politically
stable Africa!

168
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,551
My people?

169
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,320
Women are the oppressed ones.

170
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,981
And it's even harder
being a beautiful woman.

171
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,558
Everyone assumes I don't try
in bed, it's discrimination!

172
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,161
Whatever, You couldn't last
one day in my shoes, Maroney!

173
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,162
Right, Toof?

174
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,430
No, thank you.

175
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,965
I could totally be black.

176
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:39,966
You should try
being a white woman!

177
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,067
Okay, I will!

178
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,168
No, no, no, no, no!

179
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,469
I don't like where
this is heading.

180
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,304
"Freaky Friday" social experiment!

181
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:46,362
Oh, it's on!

182
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,175
Where is Liz Lemon?

183
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,344
I don't really think it's fair
for me to be on a jury

184
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,745
because I can read thoughts.

185
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,113
Dismissed!

186
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:59,085
Welcome aboard
Flight 1876 to New York...

187
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,090
Hello?

188
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,792
Lemon, as part of our deal
to keep him quiet

189
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,994
Tyler Brody is going to be on
your show this week.

190
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,562
But he won't do any tetherball stuff.

191
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,431
Boy, Jack, it must be nice to
dump your problems

192
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,432
on other people.

193
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,800
It is.

194
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,601
Lemon, do you think Kenneth admires you?

195
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,770
Sure, that kid looks up to everybody.

196
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,639
He calls Tracy's lizard "sir."

197
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:20,773
So someone would have to
be a complete monster

198
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,008
to lose his respect.

199
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,010
Yeah... I don't know what
we're talking about.

200
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,578
We're talking
about nobody...

201
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,671
a hillbilly nobody that
doesn't know anything.

202
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,954
Hello?

203
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,389
Tracy is a white woman, Liz.

204
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,457
What?

205
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,624
He's trying to prove

206
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,593
that being a white woman is
easier than being a black man.

207
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,595
Wait, no...
what about the mediation?

208
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:43,729
We are way past that.

209
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,898
This is gonna be bigger than
when Tyra Banks

210
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:47,066
put on that fat suit.

211
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,401
And don't worry...

212
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,736
When I prove Tracy wrong,
you'll get all the credit.

213
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,636
What are you
gonna do, J...?

214
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,178
Hello?

215
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,215
Liz, it's
Becky, your college roommate!

216
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,249
I'm sorry, who?

217
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,884
See, Liz Lemon?

218
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:05,952
You're already treating me
with more respect.

219
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,320
Oh, God, Tracy...

220
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,721
You wait till I test
this noise out on society.

221
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,857
Minds will be blown!

222
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,191
No! No society.

223
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:15,294
Do not go outside, do not
let Jack Donaghy see you!

224
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,964
Tracis,
listen to meem... oh, boy.

225
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,031
This pills am strong.

226
00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:21,100
You can't fix this, Liz Lemon!

227
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,569
It's about race, It's about being a woman.

228
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,105
It's about money.
It's about being on TV!

229
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:29,108
And no one understands all that.

230
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,097
Hello.

231
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:36,105
I'ma call you back, I snitting nexta Borpo.

232
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:45,224
Well, Portland's got a fun, little waterfront.

233
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,262
Would you mind if I closed
this window shade...

234
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,564
I'm trying to adopt a baby but my job

235
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,598
is making it impossible

236
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,000
because my Work Self

237
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,135
is suffocating my Life Me!

238
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,169
I'm Liz Lemon

239
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,228
and I lost my virginity at 25.

240
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,207
I saw the show about
following your fear

241
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,543
and it inspired me to wear
shorts to work.

242
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,669
It didn't go great.

243
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,546
Do you know Tracy Jordan?

244
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,915
I took
a pill earlier, but...

245
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,349
I didn't get my
September issue

246
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,943
of "O" magazine, do you have
the number for subscriptions?

247
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,652
Why would you?! Aah!

248
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,991
I eat emotionally.

249
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:21,360
And, one time, at summer camp,
I kissed a girl on a dare

250
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,795
but then she drowned!

251
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:26,332
And here comes some more stuff,
I hate my feet.

252
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,367
And, once, I had a sex dream
about Nate Berkus

253
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,369
but halfway through,
he turned into Dr. Oz.

254
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,004
Has that ever
happened to you?

255
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,373
A hug! This is happening!

256
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,499
It's all right, Liz,
it's all right.

257
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,109
I'm okay.

258
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:38,177
Please stay close.

259
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,112
Uh, can you keep your hands
outside my clothes?

260
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:40,846
Okay.

261
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:41,813
Good.

262
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,785
Kenneth, I'm a good person.

263
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,386
If you say so, sir.

264
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,189
But sometimes,
life is complicated.

265
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,592
There isn't always a right answer.

266
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,393
Say you're in a lifeboat...

267
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,028
"You're in a lifeboat."

268
00:09:56,028 --> 00:10:00,566
The boat holds eight people...
but you have nine onboard.

269
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:01,901
Either you will capsize

270
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,836
and everyone will drown
or one person can be

271
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,771
sacrificed to save the others.

272
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,040
Now, how do you decide
who should die?

273
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,543
Oh, I don't believe in
hypothetical situations

274
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,879
Mr. Donaghy, That's like
lying to your brain.

275
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,514
Kenneth, you've lived
a sheltered life.

276
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,683
Virtue never tested is no virtue at all.

277
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,674
Oh, I have been tested, sir.

278
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,155
There are only two things
I love in this world...

279
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,191
everybody and television.

280
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,893
But up in my neighborhood,
we can't even afford cable.

281
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:30,262
So my neighbor,
the Colonel, and I

282
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:33,232
just watched whatever the ol'
rabbit ears pick up.

283
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,867
A lot of folks have chosen to go ahead

284
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,102
and steal cable

285
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,537
from the poor, defenseless
cable company.

286
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:40,873
But not me.

287
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:44,677
As bad as I want all those
channels, I don't do it

288
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,278
because stealing is wrong.

289
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:49,015
Kenneth, I'm familiar
with the 10 Commandments.

290
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,279
10?

291
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,022
A lot of us women eat
emotionally, Liz.

292
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:58,424
And while we're not always
in control of our feelings

293
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:01,060
we do control of
the decisions we make.

294
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,395
I know, of course.

295
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,193
Now, you say that
you want a child

296
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,965
and yet, you let Jenna and Tracy
fill that role in your life.

297
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,604
Maybe you're afraid

298
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,406
of taking that next step.

299
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,041
Oh, my God, that's it!

300
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,709
Now that we've
leveled off

301
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,144
I think they're gonna
serve us a little snack.

302
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,079
So true, so wise.

303
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,348
You know, when you say
that to everything

304
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,216
it makes me feel like
you're not listening.

305
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,851
Sorry.

306
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,086
Here, try this.

307
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:30,623
It's wonderful salt-water
taffy from Rhode Island.

308
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,392
Wow, is this one of
your "favorite things"?

309
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,160
Oh, yes.

310
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,495
And I have so many wonderful
favorite things this year.

311
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,658
Sweater capes,
calypso music...

312
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,730
paisley tops...
Chinese checkers

313
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,904
High-heel
flip-flops

314
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,840
that lift up your butt
and give you a work-out.

315
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,241
And you...

316
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,106
Liz Lemon.

317
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,241
Too many women are wearing
themselves too thin these days.

318
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,716
And what suffers
because of that?

319
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:57,650
Your bowel movements.

320
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,651
Your personal life.

321
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,752
Personal life, yes.

322
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,588
I want to help you,
what can I do?

323
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,290
Oh, my God,
would you say...

324
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:07,359
"Please welcome, Liz Lemon!"

325
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:08,427
No.

326
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,595
But here is what
I will do.

327
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,731
While I'm in New York,
if you want

328
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,899
I can stop by
and I can talk

329
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,127
to Tracy and Jenna.

330
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,670
Solve that little
problem for you

331
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,772
so you can
concentrate

332
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,607
on Liz for once.

333
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,610
Oh, you are the best
person in the whole world.

334
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,022
Good grief.

335
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,324
Hi, strangers!

336
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,761
Do you think I'm sexy?
Giggle, giggle, giggle!

337
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,097
Tracy, I know it's you.
And, yeah, I do.

338
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,600
I'm meeting my girlfriends
for brunch!

339
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,468
I hope we can sit outside!

340
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:50,833
Lipstick!

341
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,879
Jack, what are you
doing down here?

342
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,580
It's been a real
crazy day, Lemon.

343
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,715
We're bidding to build a wind
farm in Turkey

344
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,049
and I'm trying
to convince the board

345
00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:06,018
to sell the
Locomotive Division

346
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:08,320
and Kenneth is being
a real stick in the mud.

347
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,413
Well, there's nothing
to see down here!

348
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,193
Everything is under
control in Studio 6H.

349
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,594
Good morning!

350
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,255
No! No, no, no!

351
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,565
No, no, no!

352
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:22,261
No, no, no...
wait, stop!

353
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:24,870
Why do you have a monster claw?

354
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,605
They ran out of
white make-up 'cause I insisted

355
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:27,594
they do my buttocks.

356
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,609
Good morning!

357
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,444
What is going on here?

358
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,712
Jenna and I are
doing a social experiment.

359
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:34,713
No, you're not.

360
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,615
Wait, what is
Jenna doing?

361
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:37,716
? You gotta ease on down?

362
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,618
? Ease on down the road?

363
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:40,642
Jenna, stop that right now.

364
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:44,056
This is worse than when you
wore your shorts to work.

365
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,925
You realize this
is incredibly offensive.

366
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:46,659
Yes.

367
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,261
And you realize blackface makeup
reignites racial stereotypes

368
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,629
African-Americans have worked

369
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,331
for hundreds of years
to overcome.

370
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,299
Here we go.

371
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,099
Yeah, it's bad.

372
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,234
I get it,
Go get some baby wipes!

373
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:56,702
We're trying to prove

374
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,071
women or black men.

375
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,674
white men.

376
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,309
We make the unpopular,
difficult decisions...

377
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,977
the tough choices.

378
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,779
We land on the moon and Normandy
Beach, and yet, they resent us.

379
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,314
Well, sir...

380
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,616
I'm sorry to disagree,
but I am also a white man...

381
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,618
No, you are not,
socio-economically speaking

382
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:14,320
you are more like
an inner-city Latina.

383
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,922
The point is, men like
me have to step in

384
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,090
and clean up messes like this.

385
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,726
No, you don't, I've got
this under control!

386
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,395
She's coming, Jack,
Oprah is coming!

387
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:26,558
And she's gonna fix everything,
Oprah!

388
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,575
Oh, my, what was that?

389
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,344
We've tripped the
emergency brake, Kenneth.

390
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,045
Mr. Donaghy?

391
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,081
And I've hermetically
sealed this elevator car.

392
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,183
No air can get
in or out.

393
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:47,152
Don't worry, folks,
help will be here soon

394
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,788
and we have enough oxygen...
for eight people.

395
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,658
Unfortunately, there are
nine of us in here.

396
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:54,493
Now... one must die.

397
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,629
Mr. Donaghy!

398
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,030
In the panel where the
elevator phone should be

399
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,964
I placed a pistol
loaded with one bullet.

400
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:10,342
It's empty!

401
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:13,312
Then you'll have to choke me
with my belt.

402
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,542
I will fight you. It's human nature.

403
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,184
What is wrong with you?!

404
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:25,891
Oprah smells like rosewater
and warm laundry.

405
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,361
Did she tell you any of her new
favorite things for this year?

406
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:35,334
Calypso, paisley, Chinese
checkers and sweater capes.

407
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,902
Let's go to
the mall!

408
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,234
Did she touch you?

409
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:48,847
Well, Kenneth, I give up.

410
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,684
I thought pure morality
died with Chuck Heston

411
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,851
but you proved me wrong.

412
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,853
You are better
than all of us.

413
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,057
You are one Latina fantastica.

414
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,992
Hola.

415
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,560
Kenneth Ellen Parcell...

416
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,562
you are my hero.

417
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,931
You don't mean "hero" like
"sandwich," do you?

418
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,491
No, Kenneth... not like sandwich.

419
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,382
Oh, no.

420
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:09,528
Oprah's coming.

421
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,630
I haven't
seen Oprah since

422
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,966
she did that episode about
the worst celebrity dads.

423
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,267
Um, Liz?

424
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,394
Your guest is here.

425
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,531
Oprah!

426
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:22,532
Hello, Liz Lemon!

427
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,415
Uh, how you doin'?

428
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:30,616
Hi!

429
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,584
What were you on?
That's a kid.

430
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,254
That does explain some
of the stuff she said.

431
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,848
I get to fly first class 'cause
my mom is a flight attendant!

432
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:40,016
I lost my headgear at Six Flags.

433
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:42,861
My boyfriend's in ninth grade!

434
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,697
It's not Oprah.

435
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:46,965
I thought
it was Oprah.

436
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,934
It's a spunky, little tween.

437
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:52,871
Now, as I am sure Liz has told
you, I am Pam.

438
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,273
Pam.

439
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,638
I'm a middle school
class vice president...

440
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,011
a certified and trained
baby-sitter

441
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,046
and I recently got Internet
in my room!

442
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,648
I think I gave her wine.

443
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,183
I believe I can achieve anything.

444
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:07,786
So let's get down
to solving this problem.

445
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,253
Now which one of you is "Jana"?

446
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,028
Hello, Mr. Donaghy.

447
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,296
Did you have a
good night, Kenneth?

448
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,632
Oh, yes, sir, hardly any
screaming from the Colonel.

449
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,835
Actually,
I was thinking...

450
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:27,739
We all try to be perfect,
but the world...

451
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,575
maybe, well...

452
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,643
uh, what I'm
trying to say...

453
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:35,781
There's a whole channel on
the cable that just tells you

454
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,583
what's on the other channels!

455
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,151
I know, Kenneth, it's okay.

456
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:42,988
I am glad I'm not
a white man, Mr. Donaghy.

457
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,092
Is SpongeBob
SquarePants

458
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,660
supposed to be terrifying?

459
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,288
You're darn right he is, Kenneth.

460
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,102
Yesterday, Liz
and I realized

461
00:18:57,102 --> 00:19:01,406
that she's probably wearing
the wrong bra size.

462
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,203
Oh.

463
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,613
Yup... that one's
definitely bigger.

464
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,948
And that
made me feel sad.

465
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,314
Now show me your
emotion drawings.

466
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:16,555
Tracy, your emotion
is upside-down.

467
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:20,292
That's the way
my world is right now.

468
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,060
I guess I'm gonna have to
clean up your mess after all.

469
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:24,196
She's 12, how did I...

470
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,731
It's okay, it happens
to the best of us.

471
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,400
In-flight medication is how
I met M. Night Shyamalan

472
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,568
until it turned out to be...

473
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,737
That was the best
day of my life.

474
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,804
Liz...

475
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:33,805
we worked it out.

476
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,240
I've been hearing...

477
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,576
but I haven't been listening.

478
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:42,548
And I need to stop being a
frenemy and be your real B.F.F.

479
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:46,541
Well... Iooks like
my work here is done.

480
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,556
So, I'll see you at my
parents' house for dinner.

481
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,990
My best friend
Gayle can't make it

482
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,926
because she has some
algebra test tomorrow.

483
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,915
Oh, Gayle!

484
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,596
Good job, Lemon.

485
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,464
Good job, Pam, really.

486
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,799
take credit.

487
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,096
Hmm.

488
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:07,172
? Lean on me...
when you're not strong?

489
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,807
We're not doing that now.

490
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,707
Stop that, do you hear me?

491
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,112
I don't think I should be
drinking this.

492
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,081
Oh, come on, like you
never have a drink.

493
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,784
Well, I did have some champagne
at my cousin's wedding once.

494
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,086
Yeah, you did! To Oprah!

495
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,422
My name is Pam.

496
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,322
Oh, Oprah!

497
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,124
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498
00:20:29,174 --> 00:20:33,724
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